The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion And Peace With Your Man

Product Information

Then there’s deep, deep hurt. He doesn’t love you. Does it mean you’re unlovable? Making that immense pain stop becomes your imperative. The underlying premise of this advice is that my husband just did not know that I liked affection. Or maybe he didn’t realize that he did not show affection. He just somehow…forgot. Reading this while in an unhealthy relationship is damaging and dangerous. I stayed far too long and this book did much more damage than good. Read more

I think in a marriage where both want a different dynamic, the Surrendered idea can work. I do not think it will work with a man determined to be passive - you'll just end up frustrated while nothing gets done or decided. I was unknowingly in an abusive marriage and desperate to improve it- which is how I found this book. My then-husband treated me terribly and I tried everything to “fix” myself- to make him love me and treat me as such. I found this book while trying to become some version of a person and wife I imagined he wanted. This book brought me further into self hate and also helped to convinced me that I was doing something wrong and that I should be better. For another thing, they don't talk as much as we do. That makes me the only one around here who goes on and on about how I feel. Thank goodness. First there are the little things: No one to snuggle up with in bed, or help you move the heavy furniture. For instance, I used to think that when my husband was driving it was up to me to warn him about cars in his blind spot, tell him when he was tailgating and point out choice parking spots. Otherwise, I feared, we would get in an accident (or have to walk too far). When I thought about it, my husband's good driving record reflected that he didn't need any help from me.I have no doubt surrendering has worked for Doyle and her husband - but I have no doubt it is she who wields the power in the relationship. She has transformed herself from former shrew to queen bee, but this time around, she is far too clever to let John know who is really the boss. Rather than try to convince her that they both needed to apologize, I decided to take a different tact. I asked her what was more important: his apology (and her ego) or restored harmony. It didn’t take long for her to admit that it was the latter. It wasn’t long before she was willing to break the ice. When Janet took the high road of not engaging or criticizing her husband it left him with the stark reality of his own behavior. In that quiet space, he saw his own shortcomings and decided to apologize.

I am not saying that you are responsible for every problem in your marriage. You are not. Your husband has plenty of areas he could improve too, but that’s nothing you can control. You can’t make him change¯you can only change yourself. The good news is that since you’ve identified the behaviors that contribute to your problems, you can begin to solve them. Rather than wasting time thinking about what my husband should do, I prefer to keep all my energy for improving my happiness. The point of my journey was to give up controlling behavior, and to look inward instead of outward. Unfortunately, the reality of my control was dreary. Instead of having more romance, I had a distant husband. Instead of more money, I had a resentful husband. Instead of a cleaner house, I had wall-to-wall hostility. But later, after being such a great husband, listening to all of her issues ALL WEEK LONG, emphasizing until you would think he is a girl, he wants to talk about some FEELINGS OF HIS OWN. That's it. If you do those two things on an ongoing basis, a passionate, healthy sex life will return.There was no single moment when the surrendered light bulb went off in my head. Instead, I changed little by little. I experimented, first by keeping my mouth shut, and sometimes even my eyes, when John drove. When we arrived in one piece, I decided that I would always trust him behind the wheel, no matter how strong my urge to control. So he says, "Hon, I want to talk to you about something. You know, I get that you were super busy this weekend. And I know you had a lot going on, but you know, I am kind of feeling a little neglected this weekend. You know, I would like to maybe come first once in a while. I just kind of feel like furniture, you know what I mean." Many a wife has turned the finances over to her husband in just this way -- as a temporary trial -- and lived to say she wouldn't have it any other way. If peace in your home is something you hold dear, consider the cost of your actions before you issue a complaint, criticism or sarcastic remark. Sure, you might feel some relief in the short run, but in the long run you can't afford the luxury of starting a brawl.

Sometimes the things that we're most attracted to at first become the things we find most irritating later on. Maybe you think he's irresponsible now, but at first you enjoyed his great sense of fun. Perhaps you were impressed with his success in business and now you wonder why you married a workaholic. Even a man who was always a terrific lover might now seem like a man who only ever thinks about sex. Nothing's changed about your husband but your perspective. Your husband does things that get on your very last nerve. I know this because I have a husband myself, and, like yours, he is a mere mortal with numerous imperfections. At times I found his shortcomings so big that I thought I couldn’t live with him for another day. Women sometimes ask me if they should leave a husband who is verbally abusive. This is an important question because verbal abuse crushes your sense of self-worth over time, just as physical abuse does. You certainly don’t deserve to be belittled. Fortunately, as you will see, respecting your husband and refraining from controlling him will put an end to his hurtful words¯as long as he doesn’t fall into one of the four categories above. The Surrendered Single is a book to help single women attract a good man according to the principles of Surrendering. Doyle advocates the surrender of control of another. A surrendered single is a woman who chooses to apply the principles of surrendering to her life so as to serenely attract a good man rather than desperately seek a mate. a surrendered wife is not afraid to show her vulnerability and take the feminine approach Well, we are all vulnerable sometimes.. not sure what the 'feminine approach would be, in real terms though!If you're anything like me, you're used to being vigilant all the time. This means that although you have plenty of your own responsibilities, you keep an eye on lots of other things as well. We do this because we believe that if we were really to let go and sleep with both eyes shut, everything might go to hell in a hand-basket.